


Breaking Cygnus

by Hitsugi_Zirkus



Category: Lamento -BEYOND THE VOID-
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Childhood, Growing Up, Magic, Stars
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-25
Updated: 2017-11-25
Packaged: 2019-02-06 21:01:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12826014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hitsugi_Zirkus/pseuds/Hitsugi_Zirkus
Summary: “But you cannot remain like that forever. Inevitably, you will have to view this world from higher places if you wish to know what paths you must take. You will have to break, time and again, until you’re free.”For another few heavy heartbeats, the kitten continued to battle with himself. At any moment, it seemed like the earth would split and swallow him whole into the darkness.It was as if he realized it himself as well. The kitten sprang to his feet, and gripped Bojyo’s tail tightly. The little flame inside him grew stronger, but it was still but a single flame; a single wind could easily blow it out.“That’s it,” Bojyo said decisively, lips spreading in a grin. “That which breaks, spilling everything -- destroyer and liberator. You, child, are named Leaks.”





	Breaking Cygnus

**Author's Note:**

> This is a story that I wrote for my dearest Kuma <3 I promised for awhile that I would write about Leaks being raised by Bojyo, so here I am, finally delivering! I hope that this is enjoyable, it was interesting to write this kind of young Leaks that is doing his best to find his place in the world.

From the ground, the shrine appeared to be non-existent, so hidden between tall blades of grass and cracked rock; one would not find it unless they were looking for it. And yet, from the perspective of the heavens, the shrine was in plain view -- the surrounding trees left a little opening in the dense forest for the moonlight to stream through, bathing the stones in enchanting, pearly light. From that opening, Bojyo could clearly gaze upon and study the vast map of stars above, ever dancing, ever falling. Their song rained down with silver whispers and ethereal hums in a way that only Bojyo could hear.

Tonight, though, the cosmos was silent. This was peculiar, as Cygnus’ celestial wings were spread brightly tonight, its beak making a dive straight for the earth. Melodies were usually dancing through the night sky in magical abundance on nights of Cygnus’ reign. Right beside the graceful constellation, even Lyra looked upon the earth with grim silence.

Bojyo trudged through the opening of the shrine, his eyes staring only straight ahead of him into the forest’s darkness, but his vision could well beyond it, for miles in every direction. Soon, he spotted it. There, right beneath Cygnus’ beak, was a strange, agitated darkness, like flickering black flame.

As a shaman, Bojyo hardly ever ventured from the shrine, but curiosity got the better of him tonight. He could distinctly recall such a silent, dark night as this about six years ago, and he wondered about its recurrence.

This new energy hardly seemed threatening -- as a matter of fact, the closer Bojyo came, shifting between the trees, the more he realized that in appearance, this force was rather fragile. Soon enough, tiny, childish whimpers filled the gaps of the night’s silence. Even the crickets and frogs dared not to sing to guide the lost voice. Between the animals and the stars, it was as if nature itself was rejecting this new entity.

And then there he was. A ribika child, wandering at an erratic pace through the forest, his breathing hitched and ragged. A black cloak covered his tiny body.

The child stopped as if he realized something, then turned this way and that, trying to determine a path to take with uncertain whimpers. It was a state that Bojyo had seen many times in Sisa’s denizens, when one entered a crossroads with themselves and must hasten to chose a route to venture forward in. One of Bojyo’s specialties was guiding such lost ribika in that time of spiritual need, and he could sense that at this time too, his direction was needed.

Above, he could feel the gaze of the stars upon them, the trees leaning closer, waiting. This kitten, they felt, did not have an ordinary presence.

When the cold winds flew by, blowing the hood of the child’s cloak away, Bojyo immediately understood.

Ink-black ears pointed up in alarm as the kitten shivered, an equally black tail with a crooked end curling around his leg as he crawled into the nest of thick roots nearby for safety against the chill. Tentatively, he touched the roots, like he was trying to rouse them from sleep.

“Help me,” he whispered, and Bojyo could hear that he spoke directly to the tree itself. “Please help me. Please keep me safe from the monsters. Let me stay here, please. I can’t go back there! I can’t!”

How strange. But also how wonderful a development. Bojyo could have sworn that the ribikas’ connection to the forest had been growing thin these past decades; once upon a time, all would communicate with the trees and its creatures as if they were old friends. But the forest, although still loving the ribika that lived in it, grew lonely in the gradual silence. It had been quite some time since Bojyo had encountered such a conversation -- and to think, it was with such an equally battered and lonely kitten. The child either had a potential in magic, or he was simply that desperate to find shelter wherever he could find it.

Judging by the dirt stains and bruises that littered the kitten’s form, it could very well be the latter. But Bojyo wanted to be sure.

Although he was solid in body, Bojyo’s presence had always been rather quiet. It was rather easy for him to approach the kitten without him knowing. Even as he gathered his robes to crouch down to his level, the kitten appeared to not notice his new companion beside him.

“Come on,” he continued to plead to the tree. He pressed one black ear against the trunk, listening for a response, any kind of acknowledgment.

Bojyo could feel the tree’s apprehension, the shudder through its leaves. But its path and Bojyo’s was not one of active destruction; they would not reject this child, even with its curious stains.

“A tree can shelter,” Bojyo said, “and a tree can nurture, but that doesn’t make the forest a safe place to be for a kitten to be in the dead of night.”

The child’s tail bristled, and he turned to hiss. Bojyo blinked in surprise, but was otherwise unresponsive to the hostile display.

“Oho,” Bojyo said with amusement, “you have such fire in you! No wonder the shadows you cast are so great. Yes, let me get a better look into your eyes…” Bojyo loomed a bit closer, ignoring how the child’s ears had flattened, tiny, ineffective growls curling in his chest. The kitten’s eyes were a boiling amber color, like the highest part of a flame before it faded to black, then smoke, fading forevermore.

 _Interesting_. Bojyo grinned. “My, my, what an interesting journey you have ahead of you...” Dark. Long. Twisting. Bojyo could see that the kitten had been born under stars just like the ones tonight, silent and foreboding.

The kitten trembled, but continued to hold his ground. “Are you the wise old cat? The one with magic?”

“I may or may not be. That was many descriptors you used.”

Resolve building, the kitten’s ears finally flickered up. “I’m looking for the shaman. They said I had to find you.”

“They?” In truth, Bojyo could simply look further into the kitten’s eyes to know everything, but he wanted to hear it.

“The cats in the village,” the child explained, voice taut. “They… They hate me. They say I’m a curse, a bad omen. Because my fur is black...” He grew quiet with each passing word, and he brushed his fingers through his crooked tail, smoothing over the agitated puff.

Bojyo tilted his head. “There are many cats with black fur. A whole clan of them exist a few miles from here.”

“I know,” the kitten said. “They’re cursed too. They play with magic and make the world turn bad. They say I’m the same way, so I should go with them. But… But I thought I heard a wise old cat lived deep in the forest too.”

This information didn’t surprise Bojyo. He was well aware of the Meigi cats’ reputation, and he could constantly feel the dark vibrations pervading from their village.

“Magic is what you make of it,” Bojyo said. He reached out, pushing back the kitten’s overgrown bangs. He noticed how some of the tips were singed -- there were several tiny burns that also decorated the rain of bruises and cuts on his skin. Bojyo tsked. No wonder the ribika were losing touch with the forest, to be able to inflict such cruelty on their own babies.

The kitten at first flinched back from the touch, as if he expected another strike. Then, he could see the scrutiny of Bojyo’s gaze and he said, “They were gonna do worse. They said if they fed me to the monsters as a sacrifice, maybe I won’t curse the whole village. They said if I was burned to ashes, then I won’t bring bad luck. That’s all they ever said -- ‘black cats are bad luck’.”

It was a saying that went deeper than a silly superstition or stereotype, at least in this case. In this case, Bojyo understood that this child was an abnormality. However, he didn’t believe this was something such a young life should be punished for. Because life, like magic, was what one made of it. Even dark, twisted paths could one day lead to kingdoms of light and reprieve.

“I am the shaman that lives in the forest. My name is Bojyo. Tell me what you’re called.”

“Thing,” the kitten mumbled. “Beast. Monster. Um, bad grown-up words... I don’t…” He frowned. “I don’t remember what my real name is.”

If he ever had one in the first place.

Bojyo got up and extended his tail for the kitten to hold onto.

The child’s eyes widened, a flicker of hope entering the dark pits of his eyes. He reached out his hand, hesitated, then withdrew. He looked like he wanted to be anywhere but here, even though he was only here in the first place because he sought an escape from his previous life of abuse and ridicule.

Bojyo tilted his head again, the ornaments of his cracked half-mask brushing his cheek.

“You seem unable to decide if you want your existence to be touched or not. What despair for a child to have.” Bojyo flickered his bushy tail reproachfully against the child’s face. “But you cannot remain like that forever. Inevitably, you will have to view this world from higher places if you wish to know what paths you must take. You will have to break, time and again, until you’re free.”

For another few heavy heartbeats, the kitten continued to battle with himself. At any moment, it seemed like the earth would split and swallow him whole into the darkness.

It was as if he realized it himself as well. The kitten sprang to his feet, and gripped Bojyo’s tail tightly. The little flame inside him grew stronger, but it was still but a single flame; a single wind could easily blow it out.

“That’s it,” Bojyo said decisively, lips spreading in a grin. “That which breaks, spilling everything -- destroyer and liberator. You, child, are named Leaks.”

* * *

Leaks was always gazing to the sky. The sky, according to Bojyo, held the secrets of the universe. The stars wove stories and fates, sang songs of the past, present, and future, and mapped the entire world. The twin Moons that revolved around the forest also watched over them, protecting them.

But whatever secrets the cosmos had, Leaks didn’t understand them. He spent whole hours of the past three years watching the sky grow darker, the stars brighter, tracing constellations with his gaze back and forth. But whereas Bojyo heard their song and their whispers, Leaks only met endless silence.

Maybe he wasn’t as good at magic as he thought he’d be. As far back as Leaks could remember, the cats in his village prophesied that he was a harbinger for destruction, that his forbidden magic was going to burn the forest in red. All because of what? The black color of his fur.

Well right now, something as left to chance as phenotypes seemed to matter little in the cat that Leaks would become. Bojyo told him that magic was what one made of it, so Leaks studied the few books on Bojyo’s shelf over and over again as best as he could. After all, Bojyo was nothing like the Meigi cats that Leaks had heard of; in fact, many cats tried to seek Bojyo out for his counsel, to unlock secrets of their futures or remedy their present lives. Most ribika seemed to think that Bojyo could fix all their problems on the spot, but Bojyo explained many times that he was a merely a guide, not a magician.

There were different types of magic everywhere. Leaks just had to find out what his was.

Bojyo’s books were too complicated; most were in a different language, and the rest had topics that were much too high level for him.

“To understand anything, we must look within first. We cannot be empathetic until our hearts are glass. We cannot grow until our souls become seeds. We cannot learn until we open our eyes.” Bojyo touched the stone walls of the shrine, softly glowing with the torches’ light. “In a way, we are all temples.”

Most of what Bojyo said went over Leaks’ head. Bojyo would only lightly smack the back of Leaks’ head with his tail.

“You don’t have a lot of patience, my pupil,” he said, proceeding then to ruffle Leaks’ hair, “but you have plenty of time, and you have potential. I knew it the moment I saw you. Don’t rush forward, lest you trip over your own two feet.”

And Leaks...wasn’t used to having time. Before he began living with Bojyo in the shrine, Leaks had to run and hide and panic from one minute to the next. Any moment standing still or relaxing was a moment when a neighboring cat drew closer and dumped cold water on him when he slept, or when his tail was pulled, or when rocks were thrown at him. Leaks ran, stumbled, cowered in shadows where they couldn’t find him.

But Bojyo made time for him. He gave books to Leaks to read beside him while he meditated, he made simple meals for him, he gave little chores for him to do like collecting herbs, and he gave him the entire night to sleep. The hours of Leaks’ day was suddenly filled with not fearing the daylight, and not curling up in a corner, scared and hungry.

There was so much that Leaks was trying to get used to.

Maybe it was because Bojyo enjoyed teasing him, or maybe he was so used to being alone that he craved touch, but Bojyo was always batting his tail against him or patting Leaks’ head or braiding his hair. He was tactile, and for the entirety of that first year, Leaks flinched from his touch. Any prolonged contact had his skin crawling not with revulsion, but with _fear_.

Fear had taken up so much of Leaks’ life. He didn’t know what it was like to be the stronger one to turn the tables on terror. He only knew how to be the survivor, somehow.

_But that’s why I want to learn how to do magic. I don’t want to just be a survivor. I want to be alive. I want to be strong, so that the next time I’m hurt, the next time I’m threatened…_

“Is it revenge that you seek?”

Leaks jumped, nearly falling off the side of the cliff by the shrine. As always, Bojyo’s approach was silent. It set Leaks’ anxiety on edge for months, but by now, he was almost used to it. Almost. He sat up from where he’d been lying and staring up at the sky to turn to Bojyo.

“What are you talking about?”

Bojyo gazed up at the stars slowly littering the twilight sky, then looked back down at Leaks. “The stars were telling me that you were giving them quite a fright with the glare you were casting. Are you upset?”

“With the stars? Even if I was, I couldn’t very well get revenge on the entire _cosmos_.” Leaks suppressed an amused laugh and shook his head. Then, quietly, he said, “I wasn’t thinking anything about revenge.”

“Then am I correct in saying that you bear no hatred for the village that shunned and tortured you?” Even when Bojyo held no particular intention, his voice just had the certain inflection of one who was baiting another. Either way, Leaks’ fur bristled ever so slightly at the mention of his village; neither of them really brought it up. It just seemed inevitable that that was a chapter of his life that Leaks was washing away.

Except, like the black of his fur, some things simply couldn’t be washed away, much less the past. Leaks still bore several scars all over his body; the thick silvery lines over his arms, the discoloration of his ribcage area and stomach that seemed perpetually bruised… None of that went away. It was why Leaks had taken to wearing long sleeves, even on warm days. If he covered up, then he wouldn’t have to be reminded.

But it was there. Always there. Sometimes Leaks slept and still dreamed of being back there, of hearing their shouts and curses.

“I don’t forgive them,” Leaks said, his ears falling flat. “I will never forgive them.”

“That’s fine,” Bojyo said. “Hearts are not obligated to forgive. But be warned, my pupil, that grudges are one of the easiest poisons to drink, and can rapidly turn to all-consuming hatred.”

Leaks pressed a hand over his chest. Many times, it felt like his heart was aching with so much loneliness and pain that he suspected it would be nothing but a rotten, squeezed fruit by now. “I know,” he said. “Sometimes… Sometimes I think that’s okay. It makes me feel like if I hold onto this feeling, then one day I can return it a thousand-fold to _them_. I don’t want to forget it, because if I do…”

 _If I ever forget it, it would be like forsaking the past me. I don’t want that past version of myself to be left behind, not even by myself_.

Bojyo took a seat next to Leaks, his pale-green gaze sweeping out towards the horizon. “So is that why you wish to learn magic? To have the power to burn your enemies to the ground? That’s exactly the kind of thing Meigi cats do, you know.”

Leaks’ tail flickered. “Teacher, you’re an amazing cat. With your magic and knowledge, you can change reality however you wish it. You can do anything! I… I just want to be able to do the same thing. Not for revenge on my village, but…” His tail flickered more, his cheeks starting to grow hot. These were thoughts he’d been keeping to himself, so admitting them to Bojyo seemed embarrassing. He never opened up like this before, his heart never knowing what it was like to lower its guard, and he didn’t know how to proceed.

“For what, then?” Bojyo prompted. He turned his gaze from the stars to look at Leaks. That stare was always so full of knowledge, and it was piercing -- not like a dagger, but more subtle, like a thin needle. Precise, where he could see right into Leaks’ core. It made hiding anything seem useless.

“For me,” Leaks admitted, blushing more. “I want… I want to be able to change my reality too. I want to learn magic to understand more and more things. Even this forest was once something ribika were way more in tune with. I think magic is the way to make a lot of things better.”

“To make yourself better,” Bojyo supplied.

“...Yes.”

Bojyo hummed in thought, but by the slight quirk of his lips, he seemed rather pleased by Leaks’ words. After a moment passed, he got up and offered his hand out to Leaks.

“I think you’re ready to learn what I really have to teach you, my pupil.”

* * *

It had been such a long time since Leaks was last near civilization. Whenever he did wander from the shrine, it was usually just to collect the nearby fruits and herbs for Bojyo, or to hunt some of the game that inhabited the forest. Whenever a stray cat happened to discover the shrine, Leaks remained out of sight, so that none could see his cursed appearance.

When he was twelve years old, though, Bojyo started to encourage him further out.

“There is a whole world out there for you to discover, my pupil. You are young, and your heart has not yet established roots. You should see many more things to be able to grow as both a cat and a magician.”

He’d scrawl down a list of directions and hand them over to Leaks.

“In the city, you will have even greater opportunities to learn. There’s a library that supplies a great many books on magic. Since ribika have become less interested in such matters, that wealth of knowledge will be all yours to study. Just keep your hood on, and no one should give you second glances.”

Leaks checked himself over and again as he steadily made his way through the forest. His hood was secure, and his tail was carefully tucked away. It was uncomfortable, but it was better than his tail slipping out and having the wrong person see it -- and then to be chased out the city by whispers and rocks thrown at him again. With each step he took away from the safety of the shrine, the faster his heart beat -- in apprehension, but also _excitement_.

It was a new liberation to wander out like this again. It was as if the shrine had been his cocoon for the past six years and now, at last, he could emerge differently than he was before. He was a bit stronger now, and older. There was nothing to fear.

And then he was at the city’s borders. Merchant cats wove in and out of the path, carrying their new wares or returning with more supplies. Leaks ducked his head and quickly slipped inside.

Ransen bloomed before him in a lively ruckus -- cats were everywhere, chatting and shopping, a hundred different scents floated in the air, and buildings nearly as tall as trees stood all around the rows and rows of market stalls. Leaks had come from a relatively small village, and had then been cooped up in a single shrine, and so he spent a long time gazing at everything in wonder. Bojyo had no need for money, but sometimes his visitors insisted on paying for his guidance; thus, he’d given the bag of coins to Leaks to shop for his books.

Leaks wandered up and down the streets, ducking his head down whenever someone looked over at him. Following the sign-posts, he eventually made it to the library. It was tall and almost powerful in stature, and made of a different kind of stone than the shrine. There were two entrances, it looked like -- one with open doors that cats walked in and out of, and another that was closed and had a heavy padlock hanging off the handle.

Leaks pulled his hood up a little more and walked inside the open door. Inside, cats quietly wove through shelves and shelves of books, and curled up at tables to read. The atmosphere was significantly quieter than outside, but at the sight and smell of the books all around, Leaks swore he never felt more comfortable before. A small smile tugged at his lips -- the building was so large, there was so much to read…

“Can I help you?” A cat with ginger fur sat behind a counter, smiling at him. Leaks’ heart thumped; he’d never been greeted with a smile before.

Slightly embarrassed, Leaks approached the counter, avoiding the cat’s eyes. “Um. This is my first time here.”

“Well, welcome!” The cat continued to smile.

Leaks was really out of his element here. He glanced over at the bookshelves. “Can you tell me… I mean, is there a map of this place? A list where I can find certain books?”

“I know the library inside-out, so I can help you find what you’re looking for.”

“Oh. Great, um -- where are your books on magic?”

For the first time, the cat’s smile faltered. “Magic?” he repeated slowly. “You won’t find that here. That stuff is...in the other wing. The forbidden wing.”

“Forbidden?” Leaks frowned. Bojyo hadn’t said anything about the books being forbidden. But now that he saw the guarded look in the cat’s eyes, how the cats in Leaks’ village used to spit the word “magic” out like it was a curse synonymous with Leaks’ existence -- he could understand that it was foolish to think that it’d be so easy to get what he was looking for. He backed away from the counter, ignoring the how the cat stared at him with growing suspicion.

“Sorry,” Leaks said, waving his hand. “Of course, I forgot.” He quickly turned and hightailed it out of the library’s open entrance, narrowly avoiding contact with several other cats.

He’d come so close from being chased out of a city again. Leaks didn’t understand. Why was magic considered such a bad thing? Bojyo might not be a magician, but his shamanism was its own brand of magic, and yet ribika all over Sisa searched for the shrine to seek his counsel.

If Leaks could just let the others understand…

With sudden resolve, Leaks turned back towards the library. The other wing with the forbidden texts had to be behind the locked door. It was partially obscured by overgrown grass. If Leaks just crouched down behind it…

Leaks had no idea how to pick a lock. But it couldn’t hurt to try. When he was sure no one was looking, he dashed back to the entrances, ducking behind the grass. Perhaps at night, there were guards at the door, but during the day, the Moon of Light would expose any brazen intruders. Leaks remained as quiet as possible as he inspected the lock; judging by the scratch marks littered around the keyhole, many had tried to pick the lock before.

Leaks felt around his pockets; there wasn’t anything he had on him other than the money Bojyo gave him. With a small huff, he tugged at the lock.

It opened. _What_. As he confusedly removed the lock, it slipped out with a small shriek. Rust dotted the link. That explained it. Leaks scoffed, amused. Sometimes all one had to do was wait for nature and science to take its course. Giving another cursory glance around him, Leaks pocketed the lock and opened the door just wide enough for him to slip inside.

Darkness dominated the interior. Dusty windows let in a steady stream of light that was just enough for Leaks to be able to look around. The forbidden wing was a mirror image of the public one, albeit more dusty and dark, the smell of books more musty rather than crisp. In a way, it gave off the same ancient aura as Bojyo’s shrine.

Releasing a relieved breath, Leaks started to look around. He could sense no one else inside; and of course, why would there be anyone? This was all knowledge that the ribika apparently decided that they could do without. Why that was was a mystery to him, because as far as Leaks could tell, there were quite a few texts on the history of Sisa and the ribika. Leaks never cared all that much about history, but it baffled him that this could be considered superfluous information.

 _Especially since it’s a past that the ribika should reclaim_ , he thought, recalling how Bojyo spoke of the time when cats had been in tune with the forest. But that was why Leaks was here; he would unearth the ancient secrets to brighten the future -- or, at the very least, his future.

Eventually, after pouring through various shelves, he reached the dustiest section, right at a long-forgotten corner. Here, the texts looked more similar to Bojyo’s personal collection. Some were in other languages, some were mostly pictures and symbols, but others Leaks could pour through with understanding. His heart beat faster. This was it. His link to understanding the world he lived in, to gaining truths of the universe -- to understanding himself. It was like he could feel the power emanating from the books themselves.

Leaks gathered a few that piqued his interest and found a table next to a window to start reading. Eventually that led to him seeking out dictionaries on runes and studies on dead foreign languages. There was so much to decipher and read, and Leaks flipped through the pages of several open books eagerly, soaking in the knowledge.

His contentment didn’t last, however. Soon enough, the alarmed sound of a cat and the door screeching open tore through the peaceful silence of the library.

“Who’s in here!?”

Leaks’ fur bristled in alarm. As fast as he could, he shut and stuffed as many books in his bag that would fit. Regretfully, it wasn’t as much as he’d like, and he gazed at the whole building of remaining tomes with longing.

“Where are you!?” Footsteps padded quickly between the shelves. Luckily, Leaks was on the second floor. He had time to make an escape.

He crouched behind a shelf, waiting until the guard passed by before Leaks rushed back downstairs. His hip bumped painfully into a table, and he hissed. The guard heard and shouted after him. Quickly, Leaks slammed the door closed and hastened to put the lock back into place; it could still be removed, but for now, it would buy Leaks time.

After that, Leaks dove for the forest, his form quickly blending into the trees as if he’d never been there in the first place.

* * *

“You’re getting better.”

Leaks looked up, seeing Bojyo standing there. Between Leaks’ hands was a ball of fiery-red energy floating hotly in the air. He’d managed to conjure up energies from all the four basic elements, but fire so far was proving to be more difficult to tame. He supposed that only fit, considering its wild nature. Earth energy was his favorite, soft and comforting and green. Grounding. Leaks felt like he always needed more of that in his life. Fire was the element of transformation, but also destruction.

Leaks gave a small smile. “I don’t really know what to do with it yet. I guess I can keep the shrine warm once winter hits?” He dissipated the ball of fire and stretched with a loud, tired rumble in his chest.

Bojyo laughed, a rough, deep sound from his throat. “You’ve been studying quite hard, my pupil. When was the last time that you slept?”

“I take naps,” Leaks said haltingly. Ever since his first trip to Ransen, he’d taken several more just to break into the forbidden wing again and again, taking more books on magic with him every time. With each book he read, each spell he practiced, he could feel himself grow lighter. Bit by bit, it finally felt like his head was becoming clearer, and the nightmares were going away.

Even if he did keep covering up his scars.

“You must keep taking care of yourself, otherwise you’ll just collapse right on top of your studies, one day.”

As if Leaks hadn’t done that already. He huffed a quiet laugh. “There’s just so much,” he said in quiet awe, gazing at his collection. “And I know there’s much _more_ too. And then there’s everything you’ve given me as well, Teacher. You’ve been my guide all these years.” Leaks’ ears perked up. “Oh! That’s right! I have something to show you.”

He could feel Bojyo’s curious stare on him as Leaks rummaged through his belongings. Bojyo’s shrine wasn’t meant to serve as an actual home, so Leaks’ room was a simple alcove that he stacked all his belongings in. It was small, but comfortable in its own way. Leaks put down a bowl of water and got out a simple, round leaf from one of his satchels.

“I was gathering herbs for you the other day when I came across a species of tree I’d been reading about in one of the books. It was theorized that the composition of the tree’s leaves would have a special reaction with the other elements, but it didn’t detail what. That’s when I dipped it in water, and…” Leaks decided to demonstrate, putting the leaf into the water.

Gradually, soft blue-green light began to glow from the leaf, making the water start to shine. Bojyo made a low, drawling sound of interest. Leaks smiled.

“It’s not firelight, but you can’t helped but be soothed by it, right?” As they watched the small, steady ripples flow from the leaf, Leaks’ chest grew warm at the sight. “I decided to call it a guiding leaf.”

“What an interesting name,” Bojyo said. “Though it’s as you said, it doesn’t give much light.”

“Well, neither do your precious stars, at least from where we stand,” Leaks pointed out with a small scoff. “But you follow them faithfully. Two Canes would look to the cosmos and find their way home with such tiny pinpricks of light. Perhaps, for others, these leaves can do the same.”

The night that Leaks escaped from his village came to his mind. Thinking of it now, perhaps he was simply let go; they saw him leaving, and simply thought to themselves, _Good riddance_. It had been so dark. The Moon of Shadow had been lost behind the thick tangle of branches above, the stars never reaching him. It seemed no light at all would touch him again.

“No matter how small the light,” Leaks murmured, almost to himself, “if it is there, then it can guide us from the darkness.”

The green-blue light continued to glow comfortably between them. Bojyo’s tail swished languidly from side to side.

“You have turned out quite differently than what I anticipated from you.”

Leaks’ ears twitched, and he frowned. “What do you mean?” Then, he realized his own foolishness and shook his head. “What am I saying? You’ve looked into my fate, haven’t you, Teacher?”

The corner of Bojyo’s lips curled up ever-so-slightly. “I never looked particularly deep. However, I remember quite clearly the stars that you were born under.”

Leaks felt like he didn’t even need to hear what stars they were to get the gist of the message. He huffed a breath, starting to lightly swirl the leaf around in the bowl. “Hah. The stars never looked favorably upon me, just the same as with cats. I don’t much care for what they have to say; there’s so much more to learn from down here.”

“As long as you understand the choices you have and which one to follow,” Bojyo said. As far as advice went, Leaks had heard far more cryptic things come from Bojyo’s lips. Besides, Leaks was fairly certain in his path right now; he didn’t need anyone or anything to try and dictate that for him.

He would be the one in control of his own life. Never again would he be caged, either by fear, by others, by fate, or anything else in between. His life was his alone.

He shivered slightly at the feeling of Bojyo suddenly running his hand down Leaks’ braid. His hair, now down past his shoulder blades, often got in the way of his studies, so putting it in a plait was the only way to keep it back.

“Your hair is getting quite long,” Bojyo noted. “It’s a sign of holding onto something. I wonder what it is that you can’t let go of, my pupil.”

Before Leaks could process the words, Bojyo left the alcove with all the silence of a shadow.

* * *

It was during one of Leaks’ outings from the shrine. His visits to Ransen had become fewer in recent years, partly due from having stolen as many books as he could ever want from the forbidden wing of the library to keep him content for years, surely. But another reason was that lately, rumors had apparently been going around the city, about a shadowy figure in a black hooded cloak slipping through the streets. It was becoming more and more difficult for him to keep a low profile, and he’d rather not be targeted during his next visit. So, at least for a while, he vowed to stay away until such rumors died down.

But sometimes even all the reading from his spellbooks didn’t lessen his desire to go out to the forest. Sometimes, Leaks went out to study some of the wildlife or parts of the forests he had yet to explore. Bojyo was more than happy to assist him with the former, but the further Leaks strayed, the more Bojyo gave him wary glances.

“It’s good to expand your world, but do take care where you tread,” he warned time and again. “You wouldn’t want to stumble upon something you aren’t ready to see yet.”

Leaks’ ears lowered minutely, slightly embarrassed to still be coddled even though he was well on his way to his eighteenth year. “You sound like a mother fussing over her kitten.”

“I’m not giving you strict rules to adhere to. Goodness knows the last thing Sisa needs is another sheltered cat that knows nothing of its world.” Bojyo sat before the main alter, just starting to meditate for the day. His eyes were closed, and ears and tail perfectly still. “Not to mention that you have a rather free spirit. I could not contain you anymore than I could capture smoke in my hands.” As if to demonstrate, he slowly lifted his hand and had it curl around the incense’s smoke that rose above him.

Simultaneously proud of the words and embarrassed by them, Leaks only huffed through his nose. “I’m glad you understand. I’ll be back before nightfall.” With that, Leaks pulled up his hood and headed out of the shrine.

There had been a certain place that Leaks had been meaning to visit for quite some years now. As a child, he’d been too afraid to think of the mysterious village full of shadowy cats, much less have any interest in visiting there. But more and more, Leaks thought of the contrast between the cats of Ransen, and those of the Meigi clan. He’d been told that Meigi cats were twisted and awful, cursed because of their practice of magic. But after all his years of study, Leaks knew that this could not be true.

 _There is beauty in this forest. If more cats could understand that, then I’m sure the cats of Sisa would have more beautiful hearts as well._ No one else would have to be called cursed again.

Leaks felt the air of Meigi before he actually saw it. Through the thick cluster of trees that slowly dwindled down the light of the sun, there came a stiller air, with something cold looming just ahead. Leaks waved it off as the first signs of winter’s approach, but he tightened his cloak around him and kept his guard up all the same.

Before he could make it to the village’s borders, a new, particular scent caught the attention of his nose. Curiosity could always prompt Leaks into action, and so without thinking about it, he broke his path and followed the scent. It was sweet and earthy -- flowers?

Soon enough, he came to a sudden opening from the trees. A field was spread out before him, covered to the brim with the bloom of flowers that Leaks had never seen before, in person or in books. Their paleness dotted the green like little stars, and Leaks slowly waded through the field, gazing at the beautiful, tranquil sight in wonder. The researcher in him grew excited at this discovery, and he crouched down to slowly trace his fingertips over the nearest flower. Before he could pluck it up though, the air before him whistled, tearing open from the dagger that now lodged itself into the earth at Leaks’ feet.

His heart froze, and both his ears and tail perked up and bristled. He jolted up, searching through the nearby trees.

A figure drenched in black slipped languidly into view. Their aura wasn’t immediately threatening; Leaks could feel no malevolence from them. But it was a rather predetory gaze burning onto Leaks; the cat moved with the grace and quiet malice of shadows in the night.

What struck Leaks the most about him though, was the black ears sticking up from their head. With a careful swish, his tail came into view, also pitch-black. Leaks inhaled sharply.

“You,” the cat said with a knife’s edge, “are not allowed here. This is sacred Meigi territory. You shouldn’t have even been able to find it.” The cat slipped his hand down to the holster at his thigh, drawing out another dagger. He poised it threateningly in the air. “Who are you?”

Leaks held up his hands. “I’m Leaks. I mean you no harm.”

“You were about to take something precious to my clan. Something you have no business possessing. I ask you, what is your business here?”

“I’ve been looking for you,” Leaks replied as calmly as he could. In the back of his mind, he tried to calculate how quickly be able to dodge that dagger, assuming he could dodge it at all.

His answer seemed to perplex the cat, at any rate. He lowered his ears slightly, amber eyes narrowing. “I am the head of the Meigi clan. My name is Kiyoshi. I’m quite interest in what you need from me.” Kiyoshi raised a brow. “Perhaps assassinate me? Attack my clan?”

Leaks widened his eyes at the extreme situations. “What? No! No, not at all--” His eyes flickered down at the tiny movement at Kiyoshi’s heels. Standing right behind his legs was a kitten, no more than four or five years old. The child was quite pale, as white as the flowers, with dark-blue hair and black ears.

Kiyoshi noticed Leaks’ interest and moved protectively in front of the kitten. “Stay back, Kaltz,” he said, returning to glare at Leaks. The kitten shrank back, his tiny hands clutching onto Kiyoshi’s leg.

“I would never harm you or your child--”

“It matters not. I trust no one outside my own kind.”

“I see words will not convince you. Then allow me to show you this.” Leaks took a bracing breath. What he was about to do, he had done for no other cat except for Bojyo. But here, among the Meigi, perhaps Leaks could finally know acceptance. He lifted his hands, and brushed back his hood.

Kiyoshi’s gaze lifted to Leaks’ ears, as black as his own. Confusion flickered across his countenance.

“Where did you come from?” he almost seemed to whisper.

“I was hoping you could tell me,” Leaks said, equally quiet. He didn’t realize how true it was until he’d spoken it.

For a long moment, Kiyoshi seemed to debate with himself. He kept his dagger poised, but his gaze went patiently from Leaks, to his kitten. Then, with a torn breath, he lowered his weapon, albeit not without reluctance. Leaks exhaled in relief, but it was short-lived with the accompaniment of Kiyoshi’s next words.

“I’m sure it goes without saying that if anything you do displeases me, I will strike you down. And next time, I will not miss.” The corner of his lips curled almost sadistically as he said the words. It was the first time that Leaks was reminded of what kind of cat he stood in front of -- and sure enough, a heavy power seem to seep from Kiyoshi’s aura, ancient and dark. There was confidence and magical strength in his movements, his eyes tracking truths that Leaks did not yet know. The intrusive feeling reminded him of Bojyo’s presence, but Kiyoshi definitely held a more malicious air, even when he plucked up his child and cradled him protectively in his arms.

Leaks took that as permission to speak. “For the head of the Meigi clan to approach me… I don’t know your customs, but I suppose I should thank you for sparing me.”

Kiyoshi huffed. “I don’t need that. Not when I could kill you in the next second.” He ran his hand over his son’s head, causing Kaltz to purr softly.

Leaks closed his mouth, feeling foolish. But he could not back down now. He glanced to the flowers that had begun to sway in the light breeze. Leaks nodded to them.

“What are they?”

“The pride and joy of my clan. Flowers that glow in darkness, and never die. Flowers of magic. Of power. Of immortality.” Kiyoshi also spared a moment to appraise the field they stood in. “You may not take any of them. I know you were planning to. The look in your eyes says you’re some scientist, tearing the world apart atom by atom to satiate your curiosity.”

The crude words describing Leaks’ one and only passion had him lowering his ears in displeasure. “I’m studying to be a magician,” he supplied. “I’m fascinated by all things in this forest. Though it seems I’m the only one in Sisa who feels that way. At least, I thought I was…” He took a slow step forward, keeping his hands in sight. “I heard that Meigi cats also practice magic.”

“That is correct,” Kiyoshi said. A smirk played along his lips, lips that kissed tenderly at one of Kaltz’s ears. “But it’s nothing like _your_ magic, I assure you.”

“What magic do you practice? Surely not the black arts that everyone thinks you do, right?” Leaks blurted the words without thinking, and he immediately berated himself for letting his excitement get the better of him.

Luckily, Kiyoshi didn’t appear particularly upset with Leaks’ inquiries. “Black arts, hmm? Is that what those ribika say? Or is that just a rumor that the Kiran cats decided to spread?” He stroked through Kaltz’s hair in contemplation. The kitten leaned into the touch.

“Papa says that Kiran cats are bad,” Kaltz said, his voice picking up for the first time. He sounded reserved and subdued, the exact opposite of most kittens that Leaks had seen.

Kiyoshi nodded. “That’s right.”

“You’re not with them, right?” Kaltz asked, turning his head to Leaks. He pointed. “You have black fur, like us. That means you’re a Meigi cat.”

Now, Kiyoshi shushed his child. “We don’t know that, Kaltz. The color of his fur means nothing. If you ask me, there’s still something quite strange about you. Something not Meigi at all.”

The accusation made Leaks’ blood grow cold. He was strange, even for a Meigi cat? He held fast to his resolve nonetheless, keeping an open expression. “I only seek to know where I belong. All my life, I’ve been an outcast, all because of the darkness of my birth and the blackness of my fur. The cats of my village called me cursed.”

Kiyoshi considered Leaks’ words. “Meigi cats never leave the village, and neither do we mate with cats outside our kind. Such acts are punishable by death. The fact that you are not from here immediately discredits any assumption that our blood is the same. None have the same darkness in their blood as Meigi cats do. You must be your own brand of cursed.” Appraisingly, Kiyoshi’s gaze roamed over Leaks. “Which is rather interesting in and of itself…”

Leaks refused to believe that he travelled all this way only to be denied, only to once again be branded the cursed one, the odd one out. There had to be some kind of answer for him here, there _had_ to be.

“Darkness in the blood?” he repeated slowly.

Kiyoshi nodded, the smile returning to his lips. “These flowers have another use for us. This field is sacred ground because it allows us to summon and communicate with our gods -- the devils. As a matter of fact, it was the power of devils that granted me my wish for my wife to finally bear me a child. If that meant trading her life for his… Well, that was just fine.”

Otherworldly power seemed to glow ominously in Kiyoshi’s eyes as he said it. Even tiny Kaltz seemed to gaze at Leaks with the heavy weight of dark power in his eyes. The sight of it made Leaks’ fur stand on end. These were not cats. To Leaks, they suddenly appeared as uninvited shadows in the brightness and life of the forest.

He took a step back, tail flickering back and forth. “So it’s true,” he said, as evenly as he could. “To use the forest to bring about darkness and calamity to its soil… You do consort with the black arts. No,” he shook his head with disgust, “what you do is something far worse and evil. It goes against the very nature of cats.”

Kiyoshi’s eyes flashed, but he did not immediately strike Leaks as he expected him to do. Instead, he put Kaltz down and hid him from sight behind his larger body once more. When he straightened up, Leaks suddenly had the feeling of a hundred eyes staring at him within the trees. He felt surrounded. Trapped. All staring at him with judgment.

“Your scent is interesting,” Kiyoshi said. “You may not be Meigi, but the darkness in your blood has me very curious. Blood like that would surely be a wonderful treat for our gods.”

From the thicket of trees, Leaks saw that the eyes he felt on him were very real. More cats emerged from the forest and gathered around Kiyoshi, all of them wearing the same ominous leer as their leader. In their hands were daggers, although others had dark energy gathered in the palms of their hands.

 _Run_ , urged his instincts. _Run. Hide._

Just like he used to do.

_Run. Hide. Cower._

Like he was a child again.

_All you ever knew how to do was freeze with fear, to protect yourself from breaking._

“Rejoice, Leaks,” Kiyoshi said. “You found where you belong after all -- once you are sacrificed, you will know the joy of being the devils’ plaything in death for all eternity.”

A greater desire burned Leaks’ instinct to the ground. He got into a fighting stance, claws out and teeth bared as he hissed.

All at once, the Meigi cats lunged for him, and Leaks was swallowed down by the earth. His breath left him along with his fall, but with his next inhale, he was on solid ground again -- stone, cold and smooth. Familiar. The scent of incense drifted around him, and Leaks turned around, still trying to calm his hammering heart.

Bojyo stood there, a large bowl of water sitting before him. It didn’t take Leaks long to figure out that he’d been using the water to scry and watch over him. When things had gotten dangerous… Bojyo had summoned up a portal for Leaks to escape. Usually, Leaks would be frustrated to not be trusted on his own, but he supposed he'd have to make an exception this time. Bojyo had saved his life, again.

“I take it your adventure went well, my pupil?” Bojyo said quietly. The grin he usually wore was absent from his lips, leaving his face under the mask solemn. Shadows from the firelight danced grimly over his countenance.

Emotion washed over Leaks all at once. The back of his eyes stung hotly, and his hands curled and uncurled their fists, his claws digging painfully into his palm. Finally, he burst, tossing his bag harshly to the ground and bringing his hood up as an enraged growl left him.

Bojyo took a step towards him. “Calm down, Leaks. I told you that this could happen if you’re not ready.”

“When would I ever be ready for _that_ ? How could I _ever_ be prepared for the truth of cats that worship devils, cats that forsake the forest, cats that reject me over and over again!?” Leaks’ voice was as taut as a bow as he spoke, just on the edge of breaking. He pounded his fist against the nearby wall, the impact against stone throbbing his skin, but the pain… The pain felt oddly satisfying. He was used to this kind of pain.

He shook, and his voice lowered. “How could I ever be ready to learn that there’s no love in this world after all? Be it for a cat, or for this world… I don’t understand, Teacher. I don’t understand how cats could be this way.”

For a long moment, only Leaks’ ragged breath and the light pop of the torches filled the altar room. But, eventually, Bojyo’s quiet exhale joined it, and he approached Leaks to hold his shoulders. He made to remove Leaks’ hood but was intercepted.

“Leave it,” Leaks hissed. “Might as well, since there will never be a moment when I’m not to remain hidden. You heard it, didn’t you? I’m the most cursed of all, fit only to be a sacrifice to devils.”

“That is not what magic is, Leaks,” Bojyo said.

“It is. It’s what _their_ magic is. It’s the path they chose to take. They _chose_ this.” Leaks had the sudden thought of every cat that had ever stumbled upon the shrine, cats that sought Bojyo’s counsel over the paths they were to take, how to secure their futures and find happiness. He wondered how many of them actually took Bojyo’s guidance to heart, or how many more were hypocrites.

For Leaks could clearly see now, that cats cared about nobody and nothing, not even their own souls.

He broke out of Bojyo’s hold, and headed straight for the tiny alcove of his living quarters. For a moment, he took in the cozy space he’d grown up in, spent hours reading in and sleeping in, watching Bojyo meditate and watch stories unfold in the smoke and stars.

Leaks would miss this place.

He started picking up his books and shoving them into his bags.

“What are you doing?” Bojyo asked. Leaks knew by now that most of Bojyo’s questions were superfluous; he knew exactly what Leaks was up to.

“I’m leaving,” he said plainly. “I can’t suffocate your space anymore. I can’t curse you either.”

“Do not lie to me, Leaks.” There was a note of absolution to Bojyo’s tone, a certain dissonance he reserved only for telling the fortunes of passing cats.

Leaks didn’t pause in his packing. “I need my own space,” he finally admitted. “A place that is my own. A place where at least I belong, away from other cats where I can study my magic in peace. If I’m going to be the cursed magician that everyone wants me to be, then I should play my part, and be a recluse in the forest.”

_The forest, at least, is something that I love. The forest, at least, will not kill me or abandon me. I will stubbornly mark my place on this earth, and establish my roots that none can tear me from._

Bojyo watched as Leaks rummaged around back and forth. His pale-green eye was unblinking, as if his whole face had become a mask. “Be careful with your choices, Leaks. Do not fall prey to the curses of others, and do not curse yourself.”

Huffing, Leaks snapped, “And what is _that_ supposed to mean?”

“It _means_ ,” Bojyo said, coming closer to Leaks, “that one mustn’t trap themselves inside their own walls, or get tangled in their ego. Our fortunes and fates become clear only through different perspectives. That’s what it means to have the ability to see everything.”

“Different perspectives? Trapped in your own walls?” Leaks scoffed. “These are rich words coming from a shaman that is always hidden in his shrine.” The bite to his words was greater than he meant them to be, but Bojyo’s expression didn’t change.

The remaining time Leaks spent packing was in silence. He tried to fit in as much as he could, because the last thing he wanted was to have to return to the shrine after such harsh words. Apologizing was never Leaks’ strong suit, even as his heart clenched to remember the fond memories spent within these stone walls. Deep down, he knew that nothing he did could ever repay the kindness Bojyo had shown him in saving his life, in taking care of him, in teaching him magic -- and being the only cat in the world to not reject him. Perhaps, if Leaks knew what a family or a parent was, he would’ve considered Bojyo to be such.

After he secured the last bag over his shoulder, Leaks hesitated just a moment too long to move. The literal weight of what he was about to do pressed heavily down on his shoulders, but he was sure that he’d never been more prepared to face his fears.

No matter what, he absolutely refused to be killed by this world.

Bojyo joined him at the entrance of the shrine. “So you’re really leaving the nest,” he said, almost lightly. “I suppose all birds must learn to fly one day.”

“I’m not a _bird_ ,” Leaks said, humor lacing his tone. The small joke had his heart feeling just a little bit lighter.

Instead of replying though, Bojyo only looked to the sky. The stars were starting to dot the sky, and Bojyo hummed. “You’re watched by one, though,” he said quietly, almost to himself. Then, his gaze flickered back down to Leaks. “Be well, my pupil. Please do not hesitate to return here when you need reprieve.”

The corner of Leaks’ lips slowly quirked up. “You’ve given me that for well over ten years now.”

 _But… I fear that I will never return to this place._ Because he hadn’t been wholly lying earlier; there was no need for Bojyo to concern himself with Leaks any longer. Not when at any moment, Leaks could bring misfortune to his dear teacher as well.

“...Goodbye, Teacher.”

“Goodnight, Leaks.”

A tiny smile drew on both their lips at the refusal to say farewell. Although, Leaks supposed that for Bojyo, nothing was ever truly farewell. The universe was just a series of cycles, and Bojyo had the power to watch over him, wherever he ended up.

Leaks readjusted the straps of his bags, and took his first steps out into the forest, the night slowly veiling the sky in darkness. A few yards out, there was a stream, and Leaks crouched down to gather some of the clear, crystal water into his small cast-iron bowl. From the satchel tied to his belt, he removed a single leaf.

Although the stars grew more numerous overhead, and constellations began to form shapes and stories and legends in the sky, Leaks still had yet to hear any of their songs. He began to wonder if any of their secrets were something he’d ever get to know, or if they’d tell him the circumstances of his birth, or if he really was cursed.

For now, though, their silence was okay. Leaks had all the time in the world to understand this universe, and create his own truths. One day, one day he would hear their song.

With almost a sad smile drawing on his lips, Leaks dipped the guiding leaf into the bowl of water, and the soft glow began to emanate from it.

As the darkness closed in on this black-stained cat, Leaks only pressed forward, praying that the weak light of leaves and silent stars would be enough to chase away all his monsters, and finally guide him home.

**Author's Note:**

> Cygnus is a very real constellation that bears the shape of a swan with spread wings. Several myths are connected to it but I like the one with Orpheus the most. Orpheus was an exceptional musician that could enchant any creature with the strumming of his lyre. He was an interpreter of the gods and an astologist. Cygnus is an excellent constellation for Shui but I connect him to Leaks in this fic because Orpheus' steadfast beliefs and refusal to worship another god got him killed, where he then became a swan. Leaks' own beliefs of how the world should be inevitably seal his fate as well. Cygnus is "silent" on the day of Leaks' birth; there is however the saying of one's "swan song," where a swan sings most beautifully before it's death. Leaks' own heart does not know of peace or his own song until the moment of his death, when Shui/Konoe's song breaks him.
> 
> There's also the myth of Orpheus and his wife Eurydice BUT I'm rambling enough as it is and my explanation for that is too much to explain jbgnfjgj 
> 
> Anyway, I hope everyone enjoyed!!


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